


My Biggest Regret

by CobaltBlue09



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Bottom!Mark, Break Up, Careless!Mark, F/M, Getting Back Together, M/M, Sad!Jackson, Smut, top!jackson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-12-14 19:29:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11789901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CobaltBlue09/pseuds/CobaltBlue09
Summary: Never take things for granted. This was something Mark had learnt by force after having lost the best thing that had happened to him in years. Or rather, the best relationship he had had in his 23 years of life. He took his boyfriend Jackson, now ex, for granted, and never thought that losing him and moving on was going to be the biggest challenge of all time. But was he really moving on?No, not without putting a fight first. More like, fighting for whom he should have fought to begin with. It wasn't going to be an easy fit but he wanted his loving (ex) boyfriend back.





	1. Rejecting You

\- Baby? Babe... Mark!

He was taken out of his thoughts by the sudden yell of his boyfriend only to find he was frowning and looking at him with a concerned expression on his face.

\- Uh... sorry. What were you saying?

\- Geez. I've been trying to get your attention for a while, where did you go to?

\- Sorry I didn't mean to space out.

After a heavy sigh and a "you are hopeless" kind-of-fond expression directed at him he carried on.

\- So I was thinking we could go out for a bit now. What do you think?

\- Uh yeah, sure - he dropped his gaze to the device currently in his hands, not caring much about his answer or how it sounded uninterested. Well yeah, he was never one to show much excitement in the first place. Jackson should know him already.

The thing is Jackson did know him. That's why he didn't force the matter nor made a fuss after watching how his dear boyfriend payed more attention to his phone instead of him. He was used to the older's lack of enthusiasm. But that did nothing to suppress the inevitable sigh of disappointment he felt. He told himself he should be used to it by now, regardless it didn't hurt any less.

\- OK, let's just go get coffee or something - he concluded giving him a smile while raising from the couch and putting on a jacket.

The only answer he got was a slight grunt, he stood up sluggishly like he didn't want to get up in the first place. He pocketed his cel in his hoddie and stared behemently at his equally blond partner. The one who had convinced him to go blond with him after a few months of dating, he wasn't one for "coupley" things but his boyfriend was persistent and he wanted a change at the time.

\- Let's go - said the other while grabbing his hand and leading them outside.

Mark released his hand so he could close the door, but not making a move of grabbing his hand again after making sure to lock, he wasn't feeling particularly affectionate lately. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and started to head out the building alongside Jackson.

It was a gloomy evening, too cold for August. This did nothing to lower Jackson's spirit, he wasn't going to let bad weather ruin their date. The mere thought of being outside with Mark after such a long time (exams are a pain in the ass) had him beaming from ear to ear.

\- Since it's pretty chilly I think going to the park is out. Mmm... coffee or hot chocolate sound alright?

\- I guess, yeah - came the curt reply.

Jackson found it a bit strange that his boyfriend was really out of it, he stared at him from the corner of his eye - Hey, you ok? It seems your mind is elsewhere today.

\- Hmmm, yeah, I'm OK. Where should we go? - he said, quickly changing the topic since he didn't like where the conversation was going.

The blond took the bait and let the matter go -  I don't have anywhere in mind let's just walk and stop at the first coffee shop. 

Mark just nodded, relieved that the other didn't press any further. It's not that he didn't want to go out with the younger but more like he was tired and, frankly, after studying so much he just wanted to sleep it off and be alone for a while. No way he was telling him that. He knew Jackson wanted to spend some time with him after barely seeing each other, they had both been busy with exams, so as soon as they finished his boyfriend wanted to see him. He wanted to see him too, just, not with the same intensity.

After walking for sometime with Jackson filling the silence talking about random stuff, they arrived to their destination. A small but cozy coffee place, not empty but at least not too crowded, just perfect for them.

\- There is definitely something on your mind. Care to tell me? - said Jackson before sipping his coffee after being located in a booth beside the window, farther from the other couples.

\- I'm just tired, exams took a toll on me - he just looked at the other side, fidgeting a bit, nursing a cup of hot chocolate.

Jackson just stared intently at him, not buying it this time.

\- Hey - he whispered softly grabbing his chin, drawing him closer and making him look at him,  - Stop lying, I know there is something bothering you, even before the exams. What's going on? - he finished while carefully brushing Mark's lips with his thumb.

Caught of guard by the sudden display of affection, Mark wrenched free from the other's grasp and proceeded to look at all directions, making sure that none was watching. Luckily for him there were only a few couples, none of them paying them any attention - Jackson stop, there is nothing going on, alright? Stop fucking pushing it.

With a look of pure bewilderment, Jackson moved away completely perplexed by Mark's behavior. He knew Mark was not big on PDA but he never thought a simple touch like grabbing the other's chin was going to be too much for the other. If that wasn't of any indication that something was wrong he doesn't know what else is. Besides, the elder never swore.

More than a bit hurt but not having it in him to get mad when he knew it would only make things worse, he just bit his lip and reclined on the booth. An awkward silence filled the space, none of them wanting to disrupt the eerie feeling.

Mark knew he messed up big time by snapping at the younger, it was uncalled for since the other was only concerned about him. Part of him wanted to apologize but his pride prevented him from doing so, and he still was a bit mad though. So he just opted to stare at the window, not really paying attention to his surroundings.

After a while though, Jackson decided to be the one to lower his head, knowing the older's pride wouldn't let him apologize. He looked really mad and Jackson didn't want to make things worse. He had missed his boyfriend after weeks of not seeing him so he wouldn't let a stupid thing come between them, not when they finally got some time to spend together.

He heaved a big sigh and looked at him in the eyes - Sorry Mark, I didn't want to upset you. I just got worried about you, that's all. - He really wanted to grab his hand but decided to just stare at the table. One can take so much rejection.

The lack of an endearment only made Mark feel worse. Jackson almost never called him by his name, after they started dating it was usually sweet nick names (some he could use without) or his chinese name, never just Mark.

\- Nevermind - he said lamely, finger brushing the edge of his empty cup.

Unable to handle the electric atmosphere anymore nor knowing what else to say (so much for wanting to have a nice date with his lover), Jackson proposed they leave the place, already standing up, not leaving any room for discussion. The other followed and they left not muttering a single word to each other.

The ride back to Mark's apartment was a long suffering silence. Both boys now feeling down, one regretful and still a bit irritated and the other sad and disappointed. Such a nice mix.

Once they arrived, Mark headed to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, wanting to distance himself for a bit and cool down. Luckily for him Jackson did not follow, probably wanting the same. He heard the other in the living room so he took a sit at the dinning table and pressed the cold glass to his forehead, feeling a bit better.

His relief was cut short when his boyfriend appeared leaning on the kitchen's door frame with his duffel bag hanging from his shoulder.

\- You are leaving? - it was a rhetorical question and Jackson knew.

\- Seems like you have a lot on your mind right now, I figured you would want to be alone so yeah, I'm taking off - Jackson shrugged his shoulder in an attempt at nonchalance but his face had a sad smile that betrayed how he was actually feeling, making Mark feel even more like crap.

\- Listen, you don't have to go. I was stressed out and I took it out on you. You didn't deserve it. I'm sorry - he finally apologized biting his lip and staring straight at Jackson's eyes trying to transmit his sincerity and regret.

Knowing it took a lot of his boyfriend to truly apologize he accepted it and gave him a little smile, a real one this time.

-It's okay, I understand. But I still think you need time for yourself. We can see each other another day, when we are more rested and not winded by exams.

Sighing deeply, Mark lowered his eyes and after a moment he met Jackson's gaze, knowing that nothing he said could change his boyfriend's mind. He wanted to have some space but he actually didn't want the other to leave. Not after how that disastrous date ended. He was moody and tired but he wanted to make sure they were okay.

Jackson seemed to read his thoughts, giving him a lopsided smile - Hey, we are fine, don't worry. We all have crappy days. - he reassured, somewhat happy that Mark cared how they stood with each other. After not showing much interest about their relationship lately he took whatever the other could give, as sad as it was Jackson settled with what he had.

Staring intently at the blond, Mark nodded and bit his lip once again, looking at the side. Not entirely conform but enough to let it go.

\- There's going to be a get together at JB's place next weekend, we can go there and have a good time with the others. It's been a while since we've all been together. I miss everyone.

He nodded and released his lip, looking at him once more.

Jinyoung had actually told him a couple of days ago and he was looking forward to it. Spending time with the guys always made him feel better. Yeah, that's what he needed, a chill night with the boys and he would be like his usual self and not this short fussed mess.

Used at Mark's lack of verbal feedback and more than aware that this conversation had got one-sided, he straightened and adjusted his bag ready to departure. He told himself this was usual Mark behaviour but found it a bit too much for the elder. Anyhow, he wasn't going to give it much thought, he had had enough for today already. 

He got closer under Mark's unwavering gaze and leaned in so he could kiss the other's cheek. He usually would have kissed him on the lips but after recent events he didn't want to be too forward.

Mark noticed immediately and quickly turned his head so he could press their lips together. Not liking Jackson's caution at all. 

This caught Jackson off guard but he welcomed it pressing more firmly.

The kiss lasted many seconds, both trying to convey their feelings in that innocent kiss. One tried to reassure the other while the other pressed with hidden desperation.

They parted after a while, Jackson brushing his nose slightly with his in an affectionate gesture muttering softly against his lips - Bye Markie Pooh. 

Straightening once more and with one final look to a dazed Mark, he left the kitchen and then closed the front door.

The abrupt sound seemed to dispell Mark's daze. Realizing he was alone now he moved the glass of water to the side, crossed his arms on the table and leaned his head on them groaning out loud.

\- I'm a fucking asshole.

At least the annoying nick names came back, was his consolation prize.


	2. Ignoring You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit more of angst and asshole!Mark.
> 
> Jinyoung is a good mother, always advicing his children.

Mark was lazing on the couch munching on some fries while watching TV. He had spent the past two days after the incident following Jackson's advice. He was glad he had such an understanding boyfriend, even after how he had reacted Jackson didn't seem to be mad, only encouraging him to feel better and take all the time he needed.

Maybe that's why they got along so well, the other always respected his space when he felt too crowded. He had had trouble keeping up with relationships in the past, he always felt suffocated and trapped in the end, reason why he never went past two or three months of dating. Yeah, he didn't have much patience. But with Jackson they just clicked, after one month of knowing each other they started dating and now, Mark couldn't exactly tell but he was certain, it had been longer than seven months since they were together.

He knew he wasn't an easy person to be with but Jackson never complained, always the comprehensive guy even though sometimes Mark acted a bit too detached or was a bit too rude, taking for example what happened the last time they saw each other. He still felt bad about it and he would make it up to him some way or another, probably with lots of sex, but for now he had other concerns to worry about. Like watching Rick and Morty's new episode while waiting for Jinyoung.

He actually intended to spend the next days alone but after the other complained that he hadn't seen him for weeks now, he agreed to meet up. As long as Jinyoung was the one to come to his apartment, he was just plain lazy to go anywhere.

Just as the episode was ending a knock could be heard, Mark raised from the couch sluggishly, taking his time to reach the front door fixing his hair and brushing his shirt from any crumples or fries that may have ended there.

\- Hey, took you a while, huh?

Mark rolled his eyes and stepped aside to let him in.

\- When was the last time Jackson was here? This place looks like a dumpster - Jinyoung inspected the living room where cans of soda and many bags of chips were laying around, kicking an empty bottle of beer in the process.

\- What are you saying? What does Jackson have to do with anything?

\- Well, judging from the annoyed look on your face and the 'unkept' state of your place aaand how Jackson always ends up cleaning after your mess, I would say something definitely happened. Did you two have a fight? - After a quick scan of the room he chose to sit on the couch, grabbing the bowl of fries that was previously laying there, on his lap and started to munch on them.

Letting out a big sigh Mark followed to do the same, snatching the bowl and placing his feet on the coffee table. - We didn't exactly fight, I was stressed over exams and kind of snapped at him. I already apologized before you say anything, he just told me to take some days to myself, relieve stress and whatnot, which I was totally doing before you decided to butt in.

\- Hey! I was worried about you! You decided to hide in your cave for several weeks and not pay any mind to anything else.

Mark just rolled his eyes and grabbed the remote - Hey, what do you feel like watching?

\- Nothing. I'm just really worried about you, you've always been quite but this is too much even for you.

The blond just kept browsing when the ringing of his cell phone got his attention. He looked quickly at the screen and proceeded to silence the device and shove it in his left pocket.

\- Who is it?

\- Just Jackson...

\- You are not going to pick up? - he stared at him with an eyebrow raised. After Mark just shrugged his shoulders he insisted - When was the last time you talked to him?

Letting out a suffering sigh the blond threw his head back and rolled it looking at him with a tired expression - What is it to you, Jin? If you wanted to talk about Jackson you should have visited him instead.

The black haired boy just stared at him, face completely serious devoid of any playfulness - I don't know Jackson that much but I can tell he really cares about you.

\- Huh? Jinyoung, why are you telling me this?

\- You have always had issues to keep a relationship for more than a few months, just because this one went more than half a year doesn't mean you can ignore it and expect him to fulfill your every whim. If you keep going this way he will stop trying to reach you. Don't take him for granted.

\- I'm not, ok? And do you even know Jackson? The fact that we've lasted so long it's because he gets me, he knows I need my space sometimes and not to take anything to heart if I say or do something stupid like the other day. 

\- Yes Mark, I know, but patience has a limit. I don't want to hear you complain or regret anything afterwards if Jackson reaches that point. I don't want to be the one to say 'I told you so' - says Jinyoung with finality, crossing his arms after grabbing a fry.

\- I won't, okay? Now could you get off my case? I just wanna relax and watch something, if you want to keep pestering me about stupid things you can leave - the older kept browsing pressing his fingers a bit too hard on the remote.

\- Geez, you are so grumpy. Okay, fine, I've finished lecturing you no need to get so mad now.

\- Fucking finally.

\- You need to chill - cackled Jinyoung at his friend's expression.

\- That was what I was trying to do before you attacked me.

\- Don't be a drama queen, as the group's "mom" I need to advice my children and warn them when they are being idiots or doing stupid things. You are welcome. 

Mark serious expression cracked and laughed a bit at his friend's antics. What would he do without his, self-proclaimed, "eomma? - Shut up and help me find something good to watch.

\- Wait, before I forget... You are still up for this Saturday, right?

\- Yeah, I will be there. Wouldn't miss it for anything.

\- Good. It's been a while since we all spent sometime together.

Mark just hummed in agreement while deciding on the new season of Stranger Things - I miss the boys, will be good to see them again.

\- Yes, besides Bambam told me he has a surprise.

\- Surprise?

\- Yeah, something about someone we haven't seen in a while.

Mark just hummed and proceeded to press play.

............................

After several hours and a whole season of Stranger Things finished, Jinyoung left with a big hug and a "please talk to Jackson" mini-speech.

The older just rolled his eyes and agreed half heartedly hoping to appease the other before bidding him goodbye. It was pretty late, or more like, too early. They started their marathon and didn't realize the time until it finished and they heard the birds chirping.

After closing the door, he turned off the lights. Several empty bags of junk food laid scattered on the coffee table and the sofa. He fished out his phone among the mess and went to his bedroom, figuring he would clean everything up tomorrow.

He plopped on his bed in a star fish pose and just stared at his phone.

Jackson's contact picture greeted him with a warm grin that made his heart skip a beat, and made him smile a fond little smile that only Jackson could get from him.

He realized that everything Jinyoung said was true and he needed to be a bit more attentive with his boyfriend, especially after what happened with the blond a few days ago. It was uncalled for, the other didn't deserve it, he was just worried about him and Mark just snapped. He knew Jackson wouldn't be offended but he still felt sorry and wanted to apologize appropriately.

So after writing a quick message ('I'm sorry, Jinyoung came by and we lost track of time. I will make it up to you on Saturday before we go to JB's'), knowing his boyfriend would understand him, he went under his covers and soon drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

Unbeknownst to him, said blond woke up to his Dimsum's ring tone only to be filled with disappointment after reading his message... It wasn't good to know that you came second to your boyfriend. After trying to call him several times the past day he thought something happened to him, only to be informed that he was just with a friend but didn't bother to contact him because he didn't see it fit.

That just soured his mood and made him feel even worse than before. Nevertheless he sucked it up and typed back 'I'm glad you are OK. I'm looking forward to Saturday. G'night! :)'. Even though he sent an emoji, his face didn't reflect the smile. He put his phone in the night table once more and went back to a restless sleep, filled with doubts, disappointment and the sound of his boyfriend's name getting lost in the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I just got back from a bachelor party. Kind of nerdy since we played Mario Kart, Smash and KoF, but it was a bachelor's party nonetheless. Now I'm dreading the 'Bachelorette's party' (thank you google) next Friday. Judging from our whatsapp group it's going to be pretty freaky. I'm good friends with both so I get to go to both parties! Anyways, I digress... I'm kind of drunk right now, haven't updated this in a while so I thought, why the fuck not?
> 
> So yeah... here we are... more angst and more jackass!Mark.
> 
> Almost halfway to Jackson's breaking point. Whoho~

**Author's Note:**

> I had this story in the inkpot since April but finally got the inspiration to end the first chapter today. I intended to write more but preferred to give a general view of the plot at the start without making it too long, it's supposed to show how Mark starts gradually distancing from Jackson to then reach the 'I want my bf back' fun stage. So yeah, this is going to be very long with many chapters. Never expect an update though lol
> 
> By the way, English is not my first language so don't chew my ass if there are some grammatical errors (joking aside, please do point them out if there are! What kind of author would I be if I didn't accept criticism?).
> 
> I'll also upload this in Asian fics and Wattpad so if you see this story under a different author name it's just me having identity crisis lol


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